Monday, February 13, 2012

Boy, its getting hot in here...yet ironically, temps hit record lows

So…for another Bloghop! Welcome to It’s getting hot in here, hosted by Cassie May and Hope Roberson. Please go check out other blogs in this hop. 

I am not a romance writer; in fact I’m not even all that romantic of a person. Kissing scenes are something I REALLY struggle with. So I welcome critique in fact I beg for it. (hands and knees here. But don't go getting ideas)

This is a scene that I’ve barely worked on, in fact in the original manuscript it read something like.

Now they kiss (REWRITE LATER)

So here we go:

“Leni” Damien snapped, grabbing her shoulder and pushing her back against the wall, rougher than he intended “Where are you going?”

“Home,” Leni answered, “let go.”


“Why what?”

“Why are you rushing back? He was probably making it up anyway.” Damien lied. Fitzroy had moved ahead with the plan. The next step was to deliver her.

“It’s my home.” Leni answered shrugging.

Damien clenched his jaw. He slipped a finger under the collar of her shirt, pulling the neckline to the side, off her shoulder. “A home that does this to you?” Damien asked, trying to hide his contempt, revealing the long slender scar that ran along her collar bone. “I know a lash mark when I seen one Leni. And this isn’t the only one.”

Leni shoved him, hard. “You don’t understand.”

Damien grabbed her wrist, “A home that makes you wear this, this torture device.” He said, fingering the silver chain around her wrist, as it cut into his finger.

“You don’t understand.” Leni repeated.

“Than explain,”

“What do you care?” Leni shouted at him, ripping her wrist away, shoving him, forcing him to take a step back. “They have kept me alive since I was four. I am fed. I am clothed. I have more—“

“Stop!” Damien yelled, pushing her back against the wall, again. He took a deep controlled breath. His fingers pressed against her shoulders. He felt her skin through the thin blouse, realizing she left her cloak inside, and it was snowing again. It’s a job; he told himself, looking down at her, it’s just another job.

She shuddered, eyes turning down.
“You’re cold” he whispered. She seemed so small. Most of the time, when she was being difficult, Damien could forget how slight she was.

“Damien. I--”she let her voice trail off as he brushed some of her hair out of her eyes, and kissed her forehead.

Damien hesitated, waiting for her to pull away, like always.

Don’t do this, he thought, you’ll crush her.

She bit her lip.

You’re a fool, he told himself, as his hands slid down her back, feeling the slightly raised skin from hundreds of overlapping scars. He tilted his head down, lips brushing against hers. Damien paused, you can still stop, he thought. He waited for her to pull away, or say something, but she didn't. He pressed his lips against hers. Her hands slid across his chest, but she didn’t push away. Stop, he screamed to himself, before it’s too late. But she responded, kissing him back, lips locked together. Moving in sync.

Abruptly she pushed hard against his chest. He lifted his head slightly, touching his forehead to hers. She knows, he thought in a moment of panic, feeling his heart race under her hand.

“I need air.” She whispered.

“Then breath.” He replied. He pulled her towards him again, kissing her. This is beyond redemption, he told himself, not caring.

A little explanation about what has happened prior to this scene. Leni just found out the temple she has lived in for most of her life has been banned, all practitioners arrested for hearsay and murder. Any who resisted were killed.

She had been off on a job with Damien, who actually works for the person who ordered the ban.

p.s. I’ll be around to read and comment tonight or Wednesday. I got called off to go edumacate the Youth of America in government and politics…pray for the children. It’s all I ask. Well, you could probably keep me in your thoughts as well. I get 25 High school students for the day. There are two goals, do not loose or kill any students (counts as one rule because killing students is technically loosing them) and hopefully teach them something.

p.p.s GO Forth and check out other blogs, Please. Here is the link again.

p.p.p.s I found this picture online and found it oddly perfect for this.


  1. OMG that picture is freaking awesome! Also, I like the dialog here, and Damien's inner thought. If your looking to 'steam it up', I'd add maybe a bit more details about the physical nature of things. I get that Damien is thinking about his job, but what's his physical reaction to kissing her? A desire to be physically closer? A hyper awareness of touch?

  2. Yes, it just got hot in here and I love that picture at the end.

  3. I hate writing kissing scenes too. I'm always thinking they sound so juvenile. But yours was good. I liked what was going through his head before he kissed her...and after about not caring about the consequences.

  4. For someone who claims to not be romantic, I think you did a great job. I'd maybe make the dialogue a bit more oblique and ramp up the physical description and sensory detail. Fun!
    And the picture is priceless. Thanks for sharing.

    I'm #52 on the hop.
    And, if you're looking for an anti-Valentine, check out

  5. You're too hard on yourself. This scene was engaging. I really like the line, "Then breathe."

  6. You CAN write a kissing scene. This was great Sara!

  7. I agree. I totally felt his love for her in this little bit. Loved the 'Then breathe.' Ya baby!

  8. Considering you say you don't like to write kissing scenes you could have fooled me. I thought this was great. It had tension and desire and I loved it! And that picture = Hilarious! New follower *waves*

  9. I absolutely love this because the story behind what's going on has got to be fantastic! I want to keep reading! And that picture you posted at the end, HILARIOUS!!!! Happy Valentine's day :)

  10. Hi - nice to meet you - this is a really strong scene and I love the tension between them. The only bit of crit I have is that he has her pressed up against a wall and then he runs his hands down her back... I needed some physical space to be made for this to happen as it slightly jolted the image in my head... other than that - perfect and when can I read the book?! :)

    1. THANKS Laura! I saw that in an earlier draft, made a note, and completely forgot! I meant to insert a line about scraping his arms on the wall before pulling her towards him or something.

  11. For someone who doesn't write kissing scenes, I think this is great, especially for an early draft. WTG!

  12. That's an epic scene, sealed with a kiss. Nice one!

    I'm glad joined this hop. Now following. :)

  13. Oh wow! I love your characters! I'm so glad these few blogfests have introduced me to them! Great job!

  14. I mainly love the being pushed into a wall, I'm a sucker for that :) (Awesome scene, if you watch the movie Catch and Release. It's an amazing scene)

  15. I love him and hate him at the same time. A great character to glimpse inside. Thanks for the V-day scene!

  16. Great characters and I'm really curious to know what else there is about them.

  17. Awesome scene, lots of tension! You definitely can scribe a kissing scene without reservation!

  18. This is fantastic! The writing is smooth and clean and great! The tension is awesome!

  19. great scene and the picture is hilarious naughtiness!