Wednesday, May 2, 2012
IWSG--not about writing
You see, I'm twenty seven years old, I'll be twenty eight in November (the end of November) and don't worry this isn't a post about getting old, cause I'm not, in fact I'll never get old. So what does my age have to do with anything, I really don't know. It just seems like an appropriate place to start.
The problem is that in two month's I've got to move out of probably the first place I've lived in a good long while that's felt like a home. I knew this would happen, I mean, I've always moved every few years, its my solution to not becoming a hoarder. Plus, its not like the lease is ending suddenly. It just feels sudden.
Part of it is the fact that I don't want to leave my current apartment. Part of it is, looking for an apartment forces me to look at my life, and I'm twenty seven years old, still working in basically an entry level position, barely making enough money to do anything. I haven't published anything since I was in college, all of some five years ago. Part of it is when I ask friends what they're thinking about doing as far as apartments, a significant number of them are talking about buying their own place, something I can't even begin to contemplate because I'm broke.
So right now, I'm feeling very insecure. Because you see, even though I don't like personal goals, I couldn't stop myself from making a few, and five years ago, if you asked me where I would be, I would have told you I don't know, but I never pictured myself here, the exact same place (although employed with a degree and living in a different city).
And as I am sitting here, attempting to write a post about insecurity and writing, all I can think about is that I'm a failure, which I know is not true, cause I'm not, I can't fail at life, I can only do, and I'm doing...I just don't know what I'm doing. Yoda would be proud (probably not).
I know it's a feeling, like most of my other insecurities, and it will go away, eventually, I hope. It's just, now I have to grow up, and make grown up choices, and my body, and mind are resisting. They are saying, you're so good at being immature, stick with that, it's gotten you this far.
What are you feeling insecure about today? Anyone want to let me move in with them, I promise I wont cook for rent.