Monday, June 18, 2012 updated date

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

I'm not sure how old I was when I first saw the movie Dune. I've actually never read the books, although it's one of my fathers favorites. I can safely guess I was about ten years old (although I was born the same year the movie came out), and really the only scene I remember is when reverend mother or whatever her name was presents the box to Paul, and he asks what's in it and she says "pain" then he thinks the above quote. 

I've always loved this quote, mostly because its true, but because it reminds me I'm not the only one who gets a little petrified with fear. And I think that's been the biggest problem with June thus far, I've been forcing myself out of my comfort zone...and moving (and moving always ALWAYS freaks me out). 

As most of you guys know I went to Book Expo America (BEA) at the beginning of this month. And it was awesome. First of all I met so many amazing book bloggers there. Like Mandi Kaye at Never Too Fond of Books, who was nice enough to show me around the first day, and like a zillion others. BEA was a surreal experience. I mean it really was. Literally I would walk around the aisles of this strange land of booths and people would either put books/Galleys/Proofs on the floor that you could take, or there would be people walking around handing out copies of books, and I'm really excited about pretty much all of the books that I got, although I was a bit disappointed by the lack of adult genre books. For the most part all of the books were YA. 

The thing is, I kept waiting for someone to realize that I wasn't supposed to be there. I mean, there is a reason publishers are giving books to the people there. To get them to read them, write about them/talk about them, and generate excitement about them. And while I'm a blogger, am I a book blogger...probably not. I'm not even sure what a book blogger is. So the entire time I was there, I was looking around, waiting for someone to realize I wasn't supposed to be there and call security. But it never happened, and even though men in suits and sun glasses (yes I imagine BEA security to look something like characters from Men in Black...I blame it on living in DC) didn't show up, I never was able to shake that feeling of being an impostor, which is probably why I'll either start blogging about books more often (in July), or I might start a second blog to blog about books...maybe. 

Although those thoughts need to wait to be addressed until July, which is when I hope to resume a normal schedule again. This week the focus is on moving, and surviving, and probably on reading, and writing. Then next week I'll be teaching Middle School Boot Camp again, then there is the wedding and July. 

Wish me luck. How's your June going? 


  1. "And hopefully BEA will give me a few good things to be insecure about."

    That's what you wrote in your May 31st post, so...SUCCESS!

    Can you believe the DSM-V will be published next year and it STILL won't include Impostor Syndrome as an officially recognized psychological disorder. Even my neuroses are imposters.

    I struggled with feeling like an imposter at the Bloggers Conference and at the Netroots Nation conference I went to after BEA, where everyone seemed smarter, better informed and more politically active than me. I actually feel most grounded at BEA. When I first went three years ago, after working for a decade for a corporate chain bookstore, it was a revelation. Instead of just treating books as a commodity to be sold, here were people who were passionate about the process every step of the way, from nurturing an author's daydream right through to the marketing. I felt excited about books in a way that I never felt anymore at the bookstore.

    But I do belong, and so do you. You are a writer, a teacher, a book lover and book blogger. I'm glad you had a good time, even if you were tricked into going. I enjoyed meeting you very much; consider me a fan. Same time next year?

  2. That scene with Paul is the only one I remembered from my first viewing too. I find Lynch's work like that. I'd seen 3 of his films and completely forgot them then reviewed them as an adult and loved them.

  3. I went to see Dune because I had a huge crush on Sting. Him in that diaper-like outfit...that's all I really remember!

    1. Oh,and I'm sure they just want you to read and spread the word, whether it's by word of mouth or through your blog. They're just trying to find readers. Don't fret, enjoy your books!

  4. Dune's been good to me. Think I've watched it around 6 times now. Always on TV during the holidays.

  5. I've never seen this move but I like that quote. I would have felt the same way if I would have gone to BEA. But I'm sure it was really fun.

    Good luck on the move and wedding. Can't wait to hear about the books you acquired.

  6. That is a great quote. Good luck with moving! I'll be moving in August. :-D

  7. There are a number of book bloggers out there: all they do is read books and review them. Maybe read one of the books you picked up, write a review, and it will clear your conscience.

    Never seen Dune despite being a fan of Sting. Good luck with the rest of June and with your move.

  8. Wow, girl. You have a busy summer. I hope you squeeze in some time for writing!!!!!