Monday, January 16, 2012

Pitch Perfect but I am really out of tune.

Note: This is NOT a finished manuscript, but a WIP I just thought this was two much fun not to play. 



So, apparently I am a writer. But wait, how can I claim that when you've never seen anything I've written aside from blogging (which I still maintains counts). Anyway, I came across a blog hop today which seems like tons of fun. 

Brenda Drake over at Brenda Drake is hosting a blog hop called "Can you hit a perfect pitch" 

The idea is you post a pitch for your finished manuscript (YA or Middle Grades) with a max of 33 words AND the first 150 words of your manuscript. 

And I've been meaning to write a pitch forever...just like I've been meaning to finish writing forever.

Title: Sacrifice (pending)
Genre: YA Fiction
Word Count: 62,000 (approximate) 

Pitch


Leni never expected to live long. Very few sacrifices survive to turn eighteen. But with her birthday looming, things beyond her control give her a choice; it changes things she never expected. 

First 150 Words: 

“I know what you are!” he shouted.

She was walking away, but paused. Right hand instinctively grabbing her forearm to make sure it was covered. Turning slightly, lips pressed together, blood spatter coating her clothes, dripping to the floor off her cloak. Her boot smudged the carnage around her, “I am leaving you alive. I don’t have to."

“How young were you? When you first went through? You’re a youngen now. Like the ones they sent you with, but they’re different, they aint sacrifices. They’re meant for the priesthood.”

Leni smiled slightly, taking him in. He was tall, and skinny, graying hair of an inn owner who had broken up enough fights in his day.

“I was six.” It was a split second decision, to tell the truth. She would be beaten if anyone knew, but she would be beaten anyway.

“Impossible,” he muttered, but Leni was already out the door.



Now that I've proved myself, or at least proved that at some point I have written 150 words, go forth and check out other blogs. Please. Here's the link again. Now go. Go I mean it. Okay I'm done. See you back here on Wednesday. I hope

17 comments:

  1. This is really exciting! I would read more!
    Your pitch is great, you might consider taking out one 'very', but it holds intensity and intrigue :) Good luck!

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    1. Thanks. I ended up taking both very's out to make it less wordy.

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  2. Great setup here! The story sounds appealing and leaves me wanting more. The "darkness" in the pitch is great too. Grabs your attention. The only suggestion I have is maybe giving a hint on what the unexpected changes are...it will help the reader care more for the character. It's good to read you are calling yourself "a writer". It's tough to take that step and put yourself out there :)

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    1. Gah, yeah I wish I could add in the changes...but pitches are supposed to be vague, right?

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  3. This sounds really great. I would remove the comma after but and add a comma after looming. The story line sounds really original. I like it!

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    1. Good catch! I am so used to putting commas after things like but that I did it out of habit.

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  4. I really love the first two lines of your pitch- It's almost strong enough to stand by itself, without the following lines!!

    Very vivid excerpt. I really liked it!
    Great job!

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    1. Your pitch sounds great. I'd read that book!

      I'm participating in this pitch contest too, and I really hope you catch her interest.

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    2. Donelle--Thanks! I didn't actually enter, I was too worried about not having a proper finished manuscript, and thought it would be unprofessional. I was posting more to play.

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  5. What a great idea for a blogfest.
    Great job on your entry :)

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  6. I love how you bring us directly into the scene, good job:)

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    1. Thanks! I got a lot of criticism on this opening from my writers group, because it was too fast, but I really like it so there's that.

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  7. I tried to do a twitter pitch contest once and failed epically. Less words = harder! Good luck.

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    1. I didn't actually enter the contest where the agent read the pitch and stuff. The manuscript is not complete and in the one in a million chance that she would request the manuscript I would feel horrible. I just wanted to play for fun. Twitter pitch sounds super hard though.

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  8. You're proven yourslef in my eyes.

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  9. Very intriguing! It makes me want to know much more about Leni. :o) Best of luck!

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