Blind Day:

I have had a headache for the past week, so I decided, maybe, my glasses prescription was no longer correct, so I took my glasses off, the headache wasn't all that bad, still there, but not all that bad. And I suffered through the day, squinting at the blurry people blobs moving about my office, seeing the stuff close to my face, but it wasn't enough to keep me from getting blind sided. In a facebook conversation with my sister. She is 19. We both agreed that neither of our parents could ever have part of our liver, and I realized, she can see them, as people. After she got offline, it took me a few moments to realize why this shook me up so much. There were the normal reasons of course, the guilt I feel for not sticking around to protect them (her and my other 2 sisters), the shame that this is my family, but then I guess the real issue is the wrongness of it all.

Children are not supposed to tell their parents, "you cant have a piece of my liver". They aren't supposed to wake up in the middle of the night and see their mother, passed out on the toilet. They aren't supposed to completely disregard a parents authority, and move in with a boy friend at 16, they shouldn't be able to throw a parent into a bedroom and lock the door. How can I know all of these things and still be blind sided by the fact that my Nineteen year old sister, who still lives at home, can actually look past the normal relationship teenagers have with their parents, and see them as humans. As actual people, with faults. I think that's what really threw me off. My mom is an alcoholic, and my father has given up, and it is okay, because I cannot change it, and, because they cant either.

Quote for the day: "I'm surrounded by gay midgets. Not sure if I'm bragging or asking you to rescue me. Wait for follow up" from texts from last night.